Ah, yes! The old ‘dumping’ and projection. I understand all too well. It’s taken me much focused energy and commitment to my well-being and self-love to make healthy self-care a priority in my life. When I realized I had an opening in my energy field that allowed others to walk right in and do whatever they wanted, I really began my healing on a core level. I started digging deep and excavating in an attempt to understand all the intricate threads of imprints that were involved. I saw the players, I saw the roles, and then I saw the energy. When I saw the energy, I saw myself. As I cultivated a better way of being, I was able to heal the distortion by simply being present with it, holding it with compassion, and loving it like a hurt child; years, lifetimes, ancestral lines of brokenness and pain. Also I saw forgiveness – not from a point of doing something bad or wrong (which is how forgiveness has been described in religion), but forgiving my ‘not knowing before and what I knew now.’
My way of being spiritual was now old. My conditioning had made me a fixer (and a good one) and someone who had all the answers. My old spiritual foundation was as a fixer, rescuer, saviour; a champion of sorts. And for a long time, I actually did. That’s what made me very popular as a healer, coach and consultant. But great healers are here to do the healing on themselves and not to fix the world. The world is fixing itself. The world is perfect just as it is. To those people who are ready and feel drawn to me, I am here to help. The real healing is to heal yourself into a state of beingness and authenticity ~ the likes you have not yet known. I found out that my gifts were to be used to heal myself into this state of beingness, into a state of truth and authenticity.
My presence, my beingness in the world is in of itself role modeling. We are human beings not human doings, and that shift has started. I now no longer feel pulled to save, rescue or fix anyone else. I’ll listen if someone needs to empty their heart of pain. But I don’t save, rescue, store or fix anyone or anything. I made peace with all my ugly little bits; and as such, I am comfortable being with you while you get to know all your ugly little bits. Those little bits, can be scary with the fear of retribution lingering in the background. But for me, they are golden nuggets filled with untapped potential, real self-love, self-compassion, self-forgiveness. They are the nuggets of integration that lead to wholeness and embodiment. I have been with my own pain, ugliness, suffering and sorrow, and my own process. I still visit them often. Or, they visit me, to remind me that my shadow is a ‘tickle-trunk’ of jewels and deep, transformative magic. I can respect another’s path without interfering because I know on an energetic level that someone else’s pain is not mine. It’s very clear. I have no room for your pain. You see, I carry my own. I am with myself, all of myself, all of the time. However, I can hold compassionate space very, very well.
Many people who have not done the inner work are attempting to cling to anything they believe will save them (desperation and conditioning), even if that something is false or somebody else. And if at your core you have a belief that you can save another, fix another, rescue another, change another, you will attract people who believe they need your fixing, rescuing, saving and changing magical powers…. Until you sit with me!
Projection is a pattern that we have done for eons. People don’t know what to do with the pain that is inside of them. They don’t know what to do with the parts of themselves that they see reflected back to them by others; parts they don’t like or have abandoned.
My mother’s self-appointed role or pattern was to absorb and store everybody’s pain and suffering, hide it away. Keep it out of the eyes of the community. That was her duty and obligation as an obedient daughter, wife, mother and member of the Catholic church; the self-sacrificing, martyr and submissive woman. She did that with my father’s pain, anger and suffering. My dad’s role was to dominate through terror and control, fight, and project his pain and suffering onto all of us. Such beautiful and perfect role models and mirrors for what I was here to heal in my inner male/female dynamic.
People are waking up but without the inner work. They don’t know what to do with the stuff inside them that is coming to the surface. So, they dump, blame, project, etc… The feminine is coming up to be healed, her shadow included. So watch for her and hold her in compassion. She knows how to heal herself. Remember that! We actually know how to heal ourselves.
I wanted to have healthy boundaries and not walls. I wanted those boundaries to be clear energetically so there was no doubt within me or another as to how to approach me, treat me, respect me and appreciate me. I am not something to be carelessly used, exploited, dismissed or discarded…. And my dignity is not up for grabs or negotiation. Your behaviour, your words, your shadow are a reflection of you and not of me. I have my own voice, my own inner process, my own truth, desires, fears, pain, joys, etc… I also recognize that most people are not where I am, in depth and scope of awareness and consciousness, wisdom and understanding. Not that I am anywhere in particular. But it would seem that there is a generation or two who embrace the trending, perceived practices relating to spirituality, only to find out that they never left square one. Many are running into walls because they have followed spiritual bypassing rather than doing the actual, real inner work, which oddly enough isn’t something you can post to your social media. It just is!
We attempt to fix and change behaviours, our own or those around us, which is endless and futile if the change isn’t done at the inner core level. That restoration, like a pebble dropping into a lake, has a rippling effect throughout one’s energy field. The change in behaviour becomes a result of the natural part of the healing process unfolding, which leads to our natural state of being. This is the work we are here to do. So, there’s no fixing needed. We are simply returning to our natural state of being. We are creators not fixers. We are gardeners of our creation, and right now people aren’t liking what’s in their garden and they are trying to ‘fix’ it. Funny paradox, that is!
For many of us healers who have been doing this work for lifetimes with the persecution that came with it, there is a restorative energy of dignity that is occurring. Be with that!
May you be held in compassion. May your pain and sorrow be eased. May you be at peace. ~ Patricia